A Little More Complicated Than Love At First Sight

When I came home from my trip to Canada, I went with Chrissy to Bob Evan's so I could tell her all about the guildmates I had met. I described them the best I could: this one was such a sweetheart, that one was extraordinarily easy to talk to, the other was kinda cute. I even felt as if one of them was like the older brother I'd never had but always wanted. I qualified Gates as a “really great guy” but that was all.

I wish I could say that it was love at first sight, and Gates and I fell in love at his party in August 2008. But that wasn't how it happened.

From the end of August to the end of November of that year, Gates and I only exchanged a couple “Hey, how are you today?” greetings via text message or in-game guild chat while playing WOW.

See, when I went on vacation to Canada, I was married.

I could write for days and days about this topic, but I'll keep it very brief. I was in an abusive marriage. After one exceptionally terrible night, I realized that if I didn't leave him, I was going to end up dead.

With the help of my family, I essentially ran away from home on September 24, 2008, and moved in with my parents in Ohio.

That was the blackest period of my entire life. That first month, the fear and paranoia were crippling to the point where I couldn't leave the house by myself, and I freaked out every time a door slammed or a car drove down our street. I started receiving one-on-one counseling and also attended group therapy at the domestic violence shelter once a week. I was put on both anti-depressants and anxiety medicine.

By the end of October 2008, I wanted to file for divorce, but because I had moved, I had to establish six months of residency in the my parents' county before I could file.  Returning to the courthouse in Kanawha County back in West Virginia wasn't an option for me.  Which meant I was going to have to wait until March 24 before even starting the paperwork.

I played WOW constantly. I understand now that it was a form of escapism, that if I was concentrating on fighting in battlegrounds or attending raids that I wouldn't have to contemplate what was happening in my personal life. It was how I coped.  I also realize that it was my guild that helped me maintain my sanity during those dark days. Those good friends I had made in game became some of my greatest supports and were there for me, unconditionally, when I needed them the most.

After WOW's Wrath of the Lich King expansion was released, I started playing a lot more with Justin. He would play his new Death Knight character and I would play my Mage, but we often needed a healer. So, Justin would convince Gates, his roommate, to bring his Paladin to play with us. Gates' main character was a Mage, so he was pretty rusty at healing and our characters ended up dying quite a lot.

Gates felt really bad one day after one of his fail healing attempts, and, using the in-game mailing system, he sent me an apology note and a bouquet of wild flowers for my character.

That's when I started to notice that Gates wasn't just a good guy, he was also kinda sweet.

One night near the end of November, we stayed up until 1am, talking to each other via in-game private messages for over two hours. We talked a lot, a whole lot, during the next couple weeks. He even ended up inviting me to come spend New Year's in Ottawa and bought me a plane ticket.

I arrived on December 30, and on January 3, 2009, we started going out.

Or, as much as any couple who lives 588 miles and an international border apart can go out.

After I left to go back to the States, Justin asked Gates how the visit had been. Gates said it had been good. Justin asked, “Good as in it was fun to hang out, or good as in you're going to see her again?” Gates said, “Good, as in she's my girlfriend now.”

Justin replied with, “So which one of you is getting a Green Card?”

It's been nearly twenty-one months now, and that Green Card is almost mine.